What in tarnation is a Devil Monkey?!
It is a mutant form of Hamadryas baboon. The real ones are mean little critters, and the Halcyon version is much, much worse.
Are you on drugs?
Yes, actually. Pretty much everyone in the company is on a variety of medications every day. The whole parent company staff has been known to run off to the tequila bar and come up with some great ideas over margaritas, nachos, and redneck fish & chips. Our head monkey wrangler is sometimes cruising high on schedule II narcotics. He has a prescription and swears he isn’t an addict. He also spends far too much time in the hospital for a variety of terrifying conditions.
Do you have customer service?
Of course! Our customer services reps are raging assholes, but they’re available to answer your questions 24/7/365. You probably won’t like the answers, but you’ll get them.